Recently, I’ve discovered how an entire situation can flip on its head simply by viewing it from another person’s perspective. Something I think we can all relate to are the times when the “real’ versions of ourselves are struggling to surface past the versions we had to become at one point or another in order to survive.
People are the way they are for a reason. No one wakes up one day and decides they want to be a terrible human being and then acts accordingly. That’s not to say there won’t be days when we simply do not have it in us to fight to be anything other.
It’s easy to go through life acting and reacting based solely on how we are feeling in the moment. It costs zero dollars to simply not care. It takes time, intention and energy to fight our way back to the person we truly are at our core, the person God created us to be, it’s who we know ourselves to be – despite our current behavior. Who we were before the trauma, before the unexpected life events, before the relationship, before…
These events or experiences caused a fight or flight response to kick in and an eat or be eaten survival instinct to take over. These responses may have been valid, maybe even necessary to survive at the time. However, there is a line where survival tactics turn into self sabotage and it is so important to be conscious of that shift.
We have to peel back the layers and recognize the areas of our lives they are no longer serving us. They begin doing more damage than good the moment we outgrow our need for them. They keep us tied to our past and trapped in auto responses. A vicious cycle of rinse/repeat.
A state of self awareness is one of the most powerful places to live life from because it allows us to stop, take a step back, and recalibrate. We take a different direction the next time around. Until eventually the core of who we are becomes the lens in which we view situations and the pilot to where we are headed.
It’s so easy to see someone else’s flaws and imperfections and judge accordingly. We can get so invested that we actually come up with avenues of change they could take and numerous routes they could take to get there.
So what happens when we turn that lens to the mirror and take an honest, unfiltered look at ourselves, our behavior, our habits, etc. Then put as much time and energy into our own areas of improvement?
Think of how effective we could be if we had the ability to not only see what needs to change, but also be in complete control of changing it.
This is the hard part though because change is difficult, change is uncomfortable, change takes effort and intentionality.
So the question we have to ask ourselves is “Is staying the same more uncomfortable than change?”
I think once we reach this conclusion change becomes inevitable. Or it doesn’t, and we begin to self-destruct. Only we have the power to choose, but it is important to understand either route taken, is a choice. A choice to change, or a choice to remain the same. The question is, which one do we want more?
The answer will be found in our response to our day to day triggers and how we view them. Triggers illuminate the areas that still need healing, our conscious minds decide whether or not we are going to put in the work. If we do not choose restoration over retaliation the battle rages on.
We look for ways to avoid, deflect, or respond to triggers because we see them as something caused by others, rather than something begging to be healed in ourselves.
As long as we view it through that lens there is no fixing it, there is no acknowledging it for what it is, it becomes a sick game of hopelessness, anxiety, and blame.
If this resonates with you at all, you are not alone and I pray you’ll consider this perspective to be your first step to freedom. The only way to break the cycle is to force it into a different direction.
When we do the work, our triggers become our reminder to heal, rather than our que to self destruct.
They empower us, rather than defeat us.
They move us forward, rather than hold us back.
If you have never felt validated in your pain – please consider this your validation.
If you have forced yourself to take an honest look and have come to realize you have allowed circumstances out of your control to impact your behavior – please know I’ve been there too.
If you think you’ve gone too far and done too much, I pray you see it for the lie that it is, keeping you feeling hopeless.
See, as long as there is no hope, there is no motivation to change. Hope fuels us, hope sustains us, hope carries us.
Hope is something the Bible includes in its description of love. “Love hopes all things”.
Hope is also found in the Bible’s description of Faith “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for.”
Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)
Loving someone well, right where they’re at, restores hope. Hope then inspires faith in the future. Faith in the future, creates change in the present.
We know what it is to be caught in the vicious cycle of dysfunction, but what about the vicious cycle of healing?
If God is love, and the goal is to love like Jesus, then I think it’s safe to say love is where we are meant to operate from. To do this effectively and to live purposefully, we have to first fall in love with the person God created us to be – then love others from that place
Once we become aware of it, we can begin to heal. Once we’ve healed, we can begin to share. Once we share, we find purpose. Once we find purpose, we thrive.
Walking in God-given purpose brings our souls back to life in a way that can only be understood from a place of experience. Just as some situations can only be spoken to from a place of experience. Someone who has been there and lived to tell about it. Our story alone is powerful enough to offer life-giving hope… and maybe that’s the point.
If we allow pain to cancel-out purpose, we will never find purpose in pain.
So right now…
I hope you know you are not alone.
I hope you know you are loved with an everlasting love.
But more than anything, I hope you find comfort in knowing God intends to use everything he has already allowed.
Love Always,
Karissa
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